how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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