my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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