That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
