would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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