I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
