I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
