dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
