Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
