margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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