Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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