matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
