you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sorry my hands just texted you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
