i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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