Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
