no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
