I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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