So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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