i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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