Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
