i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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