she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
