his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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