People with herpes should wear stickers.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
