I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
