the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
