Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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