Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
