Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
