normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
