I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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