I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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