It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
