do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize