She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
