my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
