So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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