party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
