So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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