You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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