if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
