It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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