Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
