i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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