So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
