Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
