WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
