Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
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went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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