i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
