I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
