Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
