I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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