i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
