Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
