Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i believe in u and ur pee
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
