Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are two peas in an std pod
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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