All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
