Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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