they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
