Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
