why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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