Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
