ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
