We won't sleep together?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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