Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ttyl tear gas
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
