i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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