I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
