Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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