the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
