you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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