Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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