the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
