Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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