OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
