I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
