so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize