Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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