no you cant smoke seaweed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
