We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
