I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
