Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
