i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
