I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Small penises have feelings too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
