I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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