This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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